Scott Morgan (Loscil) : Interview 14
What is the most beautiful thing you have ever experienced?
Well, that’s probably pretty easy considering I’m a father. And I think that—not to take anything away from my youngest—but the birth of my first child was probably the most revolutionary in terms of my experience of life and what beauty means, ya know? As an experience unlike any other. Witnessing a child being born—your child being born is, ah, yeah it changes you forever, there’s no doubt about that. We went through it twice, we have two girls, and they’re a big part of my life and I love them, and yeah, it’s a pretty easy answer to be honest.
What is your greatest fear?
Oh, sheesh! These days there are so many! [Laughter] Someone has reinvented a lot of fears for us, I think. My greatest fear… I definitely, I hate to dwell on fatherhood again, but my greatest fear—I have really good friends whose daughter has been going through fighting cancer. She’s now six or seven years old and she’s spent the last two years of her life dealing with a rare form of bone cancer called Ewing's sarcoma. And seeing what they’re going through, they are…they’re numb from the years of pain and suffering—witnessing their child suffering and trying to guide her through this nearly impossible path and journey through a tough life. So, ya know, one of my biggest fear for sure would be having a sick child or having to deal with the death of a child. Seeing friends go through that definitely makes it that much more impactful.
What is the most memorable pain you’ve ever felt?
Boy. Getting in deep here! [Laughter] It’s probably more than one occasion, but I think, I’m lucky that I have not lost anybody in my immediate family, like my parents are both still alive and dealing with health issues, but they’re still here. And my kids obviously are still here, and my siblings. But I have lost—the closest person I’ve lost is my grandmother and we were really close. And she died about five years ago now. But I do remember that, ya know, that kind of grief. It’s an awkward thing they way it hits you sometimes. That’s probably—it was shocking and it was probably the most sort of emotional pain I’ve felt. That being said, she was my grandmother and she lived a good life and it wasn’t—she didn’t suffer that much. So it’s hard to imagine how someone who loses a child would feel. I’m sure that’s like ten times more painful. But that’s probably the most recent and most potent feeling of pain I’ve had.
What is one thing that you don’t know now, but feel compelled to know?
Wow. Don’t know now, but feel compelled to know. [Long pause] I don’t know. I mean there’s a lot of really grandiose questions about the universe or about whether there is some kind of spiritual existence, you know, some sort of creature out there or sort of extreme being. I mean, I don’t believe in God, I’m pretty much an atheist. Maybe I’m more agnostic in the sense that I acknowledge that there’s a lot you can’t possibly know, but in a way I’ve kind of resigned to that mystery. [Laughter] And I don’t necessarily know that I wanna know those things…before I die. I think there’s an acceptance of the mystery and the unknown. I do have a somewhat scientific mind in the sense that I enjoy asking questions and finding answers. But there are some things that are maybe best left unanswered in a way. That’s kind of the magic of life in a way. Like, why are we here? What is this all about? Do we have a purpose? I don’t know that I wanna know those things. [Laughter] And the answer might be really disappointing and depressing. So I don’t know if I’m answering the question, but I’m not really. I’m saying that that which we don’t know or can’t know is maybe left unknown. And I’m fine with that. Yeah, is that adequate? [Laughs]
What will you miss the most when you’re gone?
Well, sheesh. We’re on a theme here, aren’t we? My kids, my family, all of my family. I think I would definitely miss this kind of artistic creative sense of being. I enjoy very much making things and for me it’s mostly music, sometimes other things, but like being creative and making things is kind of essential to who I’ve become and I couldn’t imagine living without that ability or having that means and I would miss that too. For sure. And coffee! [Laughs] I’m working on number three now. [Laughter]