Nicole : Interview 16
Is there a moment in your life that you wish you could change?
I like to think that I don’t have regrets. And once the moment is gone, living in the past and looking back on it would not necessarily be how I characterize myself. And yet with that said it would be a moment—so I suppose my response to a situation once upon a time, I was dating a guy and we were living together when he was in town, he was a professional baseball player so we were not in the same city often and that made things very challenging because we didn’t see each other on a regular basis. And every time I went to visit, he kept getting changed with what team he was on and moved cities and we just were really struggling to connect. And there had been things leading up to that moment and so I finally decided to break things off and went on my merry way and I think I was—things may have still ended up with the relationship ending. It was, um, that I’m not sure I felt like I ever got as—that I was as articulate as I would like to have been in the moment at the time. And years later we were amicable and kind of felt like there was closure. Though in that moment there was always a little bit of a “what if” we were able to have a more, um, open understanding dialogue with each other.
How do you define being “in love”?
[Long pause] When I’m in it, I’ll let you know. [Laughter] It’s when we bring out the best in each other. So there’s just a real sense of individuality and raising each other up as a collective beyond the sum of the two parts. And it’s a super vague answer, but it’s so intangible and there’s a real just quiet competence of “all will unfold as its meant to.”
What is your greatest fear?
Philosophically, my greatest fear is living in fear and not out of love. Ya know, it’s making those decisions every day that come out of fear and knowing when I’m not in alignment. Not being in alignment is my greatest fear. Being fictitious. Suppressing my true nature. My other fear that’s along with that is making the most of time. Which is humorous to me because it’s all an illusion anyway. And that just circles right back around to doing it out of love versus fear. [Laughs]
How do you deal with loneliness?
My meditation practice certainly helps with loneliness. And just because someone is alone does not mean they are lonely. It’s very easy to be in a room full of a ton of people and feel very lonely. And we come into this world with ourselves and we leave this world with ourselves. And giving ourselves love and compassion and acceptance is the greatest gift we will give to ourselves and everyone else around us because when we elevate ourselves and we’re truly in tune with ourselves, it will exude out to everything else in our lives. What was the question again? [Laughs]
Me: [Laughs] How do you deal with loneliness?
Nicole: [Laughs] And ya know, that’s just awesome that I didn’t even remember that it was about loneliness cuz I already turned it into a positive. We own every emotion. Every emotion, it’s all part of a rainbow. And so how beautiful to know loneliness because when you know loneliness, you know what community feels like, you know what the flip side feels like. And so knowing that it’s a moment in time and embracing it so that it will feel even more incredible when you’re not in that space. It’s just all part of the ride.
What will you miss the most when you’re gone?
That’s a great question. Cuz whatever I answer should be what I care about the most right now or want to. Wow. I could spend years on this. [Laughter] I’m gonna, I’m gonna stick with what I’ve been saying. In a really generic way I’m kind of avoiding the question I think. I don’t think I’ll miss anything because when I’m gone I personally believe in past lives and that we are beautiful souls having a human experience. So there are—there’s beauty and epicness in the next phase of the journey. And this gorgeous earth is a big, old, fun classroom that’s not always fun at the time or so it seems. So what I will miss from a physical perspective is those moments when you’re totally in sync and in flow and like one with the universe like we were talking about earlier which isn’t gonna mean anything to the reader or other folks—I don’t know if you transcribe this…
Me: I do. I transcribe. It’s exactly how you—
Nicole: Word for word? [Laughs]
Me: Yep. [Laughter]
Nicole: So just that alignment when on this earth, we’re tapping in—I’m tapping in to something that is my higher nature. That I know is even, um… [Long pause] Even more expansive than the fun playground we’re on right now.